Tending the Well of Self

"I want to spend more time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me." ~ Jarod Kintz

Many of us exist within the idea of a warped space of the Absolute Self. 

Here the ego decides the pursuits toward fulfillment of its needs only and absolutely beyond limit or mercy. This energy can prompt individuals to draw upon the wells of fellow travelers with little thought of giving anything real or substantial of themselves in return.

At the other extreme exists those who give absolutely, until the day their need for water finds their well depleted. Left with no inner resources those they've selflessly been supplying abandon the empty bucket in search of another willing supplier. 

"... and she loved a boy very, very much --- even more than she loved herself." ~ Shel Silverstein, The Giving Tree

Recall the popular children's book, The Giving Tree. The lovely tree gave the little boy anything he asked of her. He returned again over many years, with empty hands requesting she sacrifice more of her being into his life. And she gave. The tree gave of herself almost into non-existence. Finally as a stump upon which to sit, she was willing yet to give to the boy, now an old man.

The author shows the boy asking and the tree giving until they are both depleted by the lack of balance in their exchanges. As the reader, in the end, I always felt worse for the tree. She gave everything and gained nothing. The imbalance in her love of giving permitted the boy to selfishly benefit from the value of her leaves, her branches, and her trunk with little more than a hollow 'thanks'.

"One hand I extend into myself, the other toward others." ~ Dejan Stojanovic

Take a close look at the condition of the well of your Absolute Self. You will find that your ego is driving increasingly in one direction over the other as a selfless giver or a selfish taker. And even if you believe yourself a giver, consider the purity of your intention. If your giving operates from a place of manipulation and control, unlike the selfless tree, you may find you are more like the boy than you might have imagined.

Absolute takers function in life much differently from absolute givers. 

If we can be honest about what motivates our giving and taking, we can discover the places within we have been unwilling to see or allow ourselves to feel. As we increase in awareness, we can invite each experience as an opportunity to discover the necessity for balance between our receiving and our giving. 

Seek balance and though your well may sometimes run low, it will never be empty.

Are you most often a giver or a taker?
What is the underlying intention of your giving and taking? 
How can you create balance between giving and taking in your life?
What are you giving to others? What are you giving to yourself?

"Growing in awareness transforms our need for receiving into the love of giving." ~Joseph Rain

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A Hard Rain

"I can see clearly now the rain is gone, I can see all the obstacles in my way ..." ~ Johnny Nash

The 60's and 70's are a favorite era in music. 

Tooling about the city in the backseat of my mother's Pinto singing at the top of my lungs, I just knew the man on the radio was singing about "all the popsicles in my way". That song filled my heart with such joy. After all, it was a song about popsicles on a sunny day. 

Such is the mind of a child, but now I know better.

"Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book." ~ Bill Watterson

As an adult, I suffer with migraines. Fluctuations in barometric pressure are not my friend, but I rather enjoy a good thunderstorm and I always think of the "popsicle song" in a good hard rain.

Seated on my deck in the kiss of a mist filled breeze is life and I love the scent of the rain on my skin. I feel I'm being watered in newness that can spring forth from my soul to meet the Sun's invitation for growth into deeper spaces of healing.

"I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty." ~ Mark Haddon

Psychologist and Buddhist meditation teacher, Tara Brach, teaches a systematic means to manage our emotions during times of confusion or stress called RAIN. In summary: Recognize what has happened, Allow what is to be as it is, Investigate with kindness your emotions and beliefs about a thing, employ Non-identification to invite a natural awareness without attachment to what has happened. 

As a practice, RAIN, is restorative and provides clearing not unlike the Sun breaking through clouds after a storm. I find it helpful in identifying and broadening my response patterns and it has deepened my meditation practice. 

Sitting in the RAIN is not easier but I come away with a keener understanding of self and my responses to the events of life as they unfold and I have reaped expansive benefits in daily living.

So much in life is beyond our control, but so much is within it. 

I don't have to respond the same way when a button is pushed. I can choose something different that invites more of what I want and less of what I don't into my sphere of energy. Emotional clarity lends insight into purpose. 

A clearer vision breeds peace of mind and that is what I am seeking.

"Gone are the dark clouds that had me bound. It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day." ~ Johnny Nash

Are there benefits to your habitual response patterns in times of stress or crisis?
Can you name the distractions you are using to resist or avoid unpleasant experiences with truth in your life?
How can RAIN help you to see all the "popsicles" in your way?

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One Last Kiss

"Everyone has their own experience. That's why we are here, to go through that experience, to learn, to go down those paths and eventually you may have gone down so many paths and learned so much that you don't have to come back again." ~  Prince

The past few days have been soul wrenching. The transition of the earth light known to the world as Prince is of profound personal loss to me. 

As words are my medium, I wanted to take to pen and paper but it has been difficult to reroute my thoughts past my pain. 

Those closest to me know well my affection for the man and that his energy has been of great significance in my life. His genius has lifted me in times most needed and I am at a loss to consider what life in the earth plane will be like for me now that he is gone.

"Music is real. It affects people. It's real." ~ Prince

I staid my grief and saw Purple Rain on the big screen yesterday with my children. In the past, I have taken my son still growing at 32 weeks in my womb to the Musicology concert and attended the Welcome 2 America performance with my then 11 year old daughter. I was happy for them to experience him the way I had, larger than life with pure potency on stage and on the big screen that moves through the spirit of the heart. 

I hope Prince would be pleased at knowing both my children are musicians and I plan to develop them as artists in the philosophy of his tradition of excellence and personal freedom of expression.

"There are no accidents. And if there are, it's up to us to look at them as something else. And that bravery is what creates new flowers." ~ Prince

I was fortunate to meet him back in the 90's via one of his famous after hours parties at his Glam Slam nightclub in Minneapolis. He was all I had imagined he would be; warm, smart, pretty, and fun. It was my first time seeing him perform live and I left that night grateful that he knew what I knew, that we existed on the planet in the same space at the same time.

"Despite everything, no one can dictate who you are to other people." ~ Prince

Prince made me believe it was okay to be me. To be unique and creative, to be called weird and be cool with it. To love God and not apologize for wanting to know Him. To keep walking toward my own definition of personal freedom in spite of fear and ridicule.

When he left this plane, he took a part of me with him, but Nothing Compares 2 what he has given me. A legacy of love, self discovery, personal reinvention, the pursuit of knowledge and working toward excellence.

Prince wanted each of us to know we could live free and be great. He taught us that having faith in God and committing to excellence would get us there.

I thank you, Prince, my most excellent friend and brother for your ministry of teaching and healing and all you have meant to me in this life. Rest now in that world of "never ending happiness, where you can always see the Sun". 

As I bid you farewell with a wave and one last third eye kiss, I look forward to seeing you for now in my dreams and meeting you again in the Light of the Dawn.

"Everybody's looking for the ladder. Everybody wants salvation of the soul. The steps you take are no easy road. But the reward is great for those who want to go."  ~ Prince 

Holy Water

"There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them." 
~ Sylvia Plath

Nothing on this side of life compares to the transformative experience of becoming a mother. As earth light meets a newborn, the mommy energy each infant needs is birthed in the same moment.

Just this week, a dear friend was chosen to receive a beautiful baby boy. He will become her greatest love as she joyfully sets aside many of the personal rituals she has grown accustomed to in favor of tending to his care. There is no doubt she will win "Mother of the Year" and I pray she can savor the sweet time spent getting acquainted with her precious bundle. 

Sharing in her joy, causes me to reflect upon the two lights entrusted to my care. Now that my babies are teenagers, I wax nostalgic as I am able to come full circle to a time of rediscovery.

I traded hour long baths amidst scented candles, oils, and incense for quick showers. My evenings were better spent sponge sprinkling my babies and brushing their hair to their melodic newbie coos between the trickling sounds of water. 

"Anyone who thinks heaven is not hot water behind a locked door has forgotten what it means to live." ~ Lucy Frank

I have advanced in my motherhood journey and I look forward to hearing my friend share the beginnings of her new adventure. I am pleased to return to the evening baptisms in solitude I have missed. It is a quiet time to exhale the burdens and inhale the blessings of the day. A grace filled immersion into the healing waters of peace and restoration.  

Bath time can again serve as a brief retreat to balance my energies for the next day's journey and I am grateful.

Consider what your most transformative life experiences have birthed in you?
What personal rituals have you put aside for a time?
How do you go about restoring peace and healing balance before retiring from each day?

The BreakUp Call
Learn To Be Your Own Bae
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Unfolding With Joy
Recover Yourself
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Getting To Know You

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Walking Across Our Own Fires of Change

"Making New Year resolutions is one thing. Remaining resolute and seeing them through is quite another." 
~ Alex Morritt

Have you abandoned the resolutions you made just mere weeks ago?

The typical tradition of setting resolutions in January found many declaring that this year would be different resolving to spend more time with family, get in shape, save money, or quit smoking. 

Unfortunately, by now, most of these promises have already been broken and sadly will produce little in terms of memorable change.

"Clear visions and positive goals, leads to positive actions and a purposeful life." ~ Laila Gifty Akita

Setting intentions has been my preference as they involve commitment to a choice. A desire to move into action toward expansion. A shift in thought paradigm that leads me to vibrate higher into an improved vision of my actualized self.

"You will find there are times you must grasp your life with both hands and forcefully steer it in a new direction and then strain to hold your course until the storms of fear, weakness, and doubt abate."  ~ Richelle E. Goodrich

In order to do this we must determine to walk through the fires which make us take stock of old habits that no longer work to our advantage. 

Even when things appear to be going well, a shift begins in the desire to aim higher, and a decision to work consistently toward goals that result in lasting change and a renewal. 

Running from the heat of change is futile and we must become mindful participants in the experience. The decision to walk across hot coals toward a more expansive self is challenging, but the results of our efforts allow an elevated merging of a more evolved mind, body, spirit at the end of the heated path. 

The New Year is still yet young, so dust off those resolutions and set your intention toward personal growth. The rewards that come with releasing all fear of the heat of transformation are great indeed.

"Seek to know thy soul; strength of love, light and life."   ~ Laila Gifty Akita

Are you still on track with the resolutions you made for this year?
Do the goals you have set meet your truest desire for lasting change?
What internal fires have you found yourself resisting to walk through in spite of the promises made to self?

Love Is In The Air ... I Think

"Through the many years of what I thought was 'searching', was really the process of 'awakening'."
~ Ka Chinery

The creative trends born of the internet are fascinating. These mini clips gone viral and laugh out loud stilled photos of human expression pairing short phrases, can often be laced with tinges of truth.

As I look forward to new offerings across the gamut of true love sweet nothings, bitter expressions of loss, and the half truths strewn between, a fitting sentiment can surely be found to fit all occasions.

"I was lying to myself when I thought I was lost, I have never been lost -- I just was not ready to be found." ~ Nikki Rowe

With so many ways of communicating our intentions to one another one would think it is easier now than ever to be straight forward. In the relationship arena, however, it would seem that game is still on. Some are on a quest for true love and commitment, while others not in search of serious long term involvement, seek the convenience of human connection. 

A colleague disclosed that the journey following the end of their marriage taught them the value of knowing the difference between the desire for a relationship versus missing the idea of being part of a coupling. 

"Shortly after separating from my spouse, I found myself missing their presence. I did not miss my role, but after almost 26 years of identifying as half a couple, I had to learn to be alone again. I chose to be single and I was not lonely. I had just forgotten how to appreciate my aloneness."

"Was it really some other person I was so anxious to discover, or was it my own solitude that I could not abide." ~ David Markson

This colleague acknowledged causing a great deal of disappointment and heartache in the life of someone who had sought a solid relationship committed to something more permanent. 

"I was in need of clarity to redefine my life. I invited someone in as a filler for what I was learning to live without. They sought long term love while I was seeking comfortable connection and I deeply regret the pain I caused." 

Still happily single, my friend now lives in a space of truth and authenticity in relationship to self and the individual currently alongside them on their redefined joy filled journey. 

"Why do you so earnestly seek the truth in distant places? Look for delusion and truth in the bottom of your own heart." ~ Ryokan

Can you define what being alone vs. being lonely means in your life?

Have you been seeking love or comfortable connection in your relationships?

Do you have the courage to be honest with yourself and others about what you truly seek in relationships?

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Communication, Communication, Communication

"As you can see our job is not done, our job just started, teen age children need as much love and support as toddlers do." ~ Beta Metani'Marashi

A counselor by trade, I find that my knowledge and expertise produces little result with my own teen-aged daughter. My work with parents and conversations with friends proves I am not alone in this fiery ring of purgatory. 

"A great challenge for parents is how to prepare themselves for being successful in advising our children." ~ Eraldo Banovac

Most attempts at communication with my fifteen year old are a challenge and according to her, I have not been right about anything since her tenth birthday. As a result, I am constantly reminding myself that my daughter is a gift from the womb of the Creator's mind and it is there I must always return for guidance. 

"An ever-growing, ever-constant relationship with God makes us certain of what we believe and enables us to run with endurance." ~ Katy Kaufman

Walking the hot coals of the parenting path as part of my soul growth means at times, I must slow my pace and experience the heat of the lesson. Reflecting upon who I was at her age, and rediscovering any soil within me yet to be excavated or overturned and determining what each block in our mother daughter experience is attempting to teach me. 

When I do this, God never fails to hold up the mirror that is my little girl reflecting His wisdom back at me. As she challenges me, my only jobs are to trust Him and keep loving her. My good or bad "mommy ego" has nothing to do with what my daughter needs. 

The Creator reminds me that communicating with my daughter is threefold and starts with seeking clarity of, in, and through Him.  He knows the mothering my daughter needs most and He knows the places within me, her mother, needing yet to be healed. 

As I rely upon this wisdom, He is communicating to and through us both.

"... you are my rainbow to keep. My eyes will always be watching you; never will I lose sight of you." ~ Vesna Bailey

Have you been communicating with your children through your "mommy ego"?
Are you allowing the Creator to speak to you through your children?
What lessons are you learning as you walk the hot coals of your parenting path?